Reading While Knitting

Nothing complicated; nothing too exciting, but yes, I do knit while I read. As well as during many other domestic activities.

Monday, March 16, 2009

This is so hard

Mack the Wonder Dog is getting old.

This is, of course, to be expected.

But since his diagnosis of diabetes, he's been facing more and more challenges. First the diabetic neurapathy, making his hips weaker. He's still drinking a lot, as we struggle to stabilize his blood glucose. Sometimes he wakes a person up in the night to go out and pee. Sometimes he wakes people two and three times a night, and I tell you, standing in the rain in just a t-shirt at 3 am waiting for my elderly dog to finish in the yard is not my idea of a great time. And for the last couple of days, we've realized that his sight is going. Apparently diabetes can speed the formation of cataracts, which he already has.

Now the vet is telling me to buy a harness to help him go downstairs -- we live on the first floor of a house, up a flight of stairs front and back -- as he's afraid because he can't see the step under his feet.

I'm growing very weary. Nothing seems bad enough to say, "Enough!" but it adds up to a sad twilight with this fine, and truly noble, dog. He doesn't seem to bee too pained, just sort of foggy.

It's just hard. I don't want to be the grownup. I don't want to carry him into the vet because he won't go where he can't see. I don't want to worry about him all the time. I don't want to be the one who has to make the final call. Sarafina wants a puppy, and when I say versions of "Over my dead body," it's not only the thought of all the work a puppy makes, and the idea of the freedom of a non-dog life. I also (I realized today) don't want to do this part again. It's just too hard.


At 5:53 PM, Blogger Kristin Sherman Olnes said...

You'll know when it's time. Trust that you will know. Wait until you're ready for a puppy, if a lot of that responsibility will fall on you. My kids want a lot of things, but they don't necessarily need them right away. Just give Mack a good rubbing and tell him you love him. He'll know what you are saying. When it's time, ask someone else to take the dog to be cremated--so you don't have to do it. It's o.k. to ask for help to deal with this.

At 10:38 PM, Anonymous Dar said...

Oh, how hard. :( Poor Mack... and poor you, for having to deal with this and be the grown up.

We were just thinking of Mack recently... we have our own set of dogsitting Mack memories, like the time we went some mine-park with Debbie and her dog, and I went into the mine and left Debbie with both dogs for a few minutes... and then I turned around and Mack had followed me and was exploring the mine with me (and Debbie was panicked). And the time that Rain thought she could swim much better than she really could at some swim lake and went to retrieve a bucket that was floating away, and she started struggling and going under and I went after her (as did the lifeguard) and Mack stayed on the shore with Esther holding his leash and barked and barked and barked because he wanted to come help...

He is a really, really special dog. It sounds like he's sliding downhill quickly now...

At 6:16 AM, Blogger allisonmariecat said...

Oh, poor Mack. Poor you. It's not always good to be the grownup, and this is one of those times. You'll feel when it's time. My husband's family had a wonderful cat, who, at age 21, was done. Unfortunately, his brother wasn't ready to let go, and I ended up helping with her final days care, wishing like heck they had been strong enough to make the necessary decision. I do not envy you the upcoming decisions, but I hope you and Mack have love-filled days for his end.

At 8:08 AM, Blogger Susan said...

Thinking of you--let me know if I can help.

At 9:05 AM, Blogger cpurl17 said...

My heart is breaking for you.

At 12:37 PM, Blogger Robin said...

My heart goes out to you. I know I will have a lot of trouble when my 16 year old cats are in the same spot. Did you see Marley and Me? I cried so hard at the end, in the movie theater - but there wasn't a dry eye in the house when the lights went on.


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